Becoming Real: Breaking Free from Victimhood and Becoming Who God Made Me to Be

I vividly remember the years I was closed off from the world — shut down emotionally, peering out from behind the walls I built, wondering if joy was even real. I was stuck in what I now call “poor me syndrome.”

I assumed the grass was always greener on the other side. I believed that joy belonged to other people — people with easier lives, happier childhoods, more money, better marriages. I was raised with a scarcity mindset and a heavy sense of defeat. Life was hard, I was told. That was just our lot. Everyone else had it better. I believed my circumstances were permanent — that my painful past guaranteed a difficult future.

It’s true that my early life came with pain, trauma, and disappointment. Like many, I didn’t have it easy. Wounds from childhood, numbing behaviors, and poor decisions slammed the door on my growth for years. In the middle of it all, I lost sight of God’s vision for my life.

The Lie of Victimhood

Hardship has a way of drawing us away from God. When we suffer, it’s easy to begin adopting a victim mentality.

But here’s the truth:

With a victim mindset, it is nearly impossible to become the person God created us to be.

Lies I Used to Believe:

• We’ll always be financially stuck — it’s just our family’s pattern.

• Dreams are for other people, not for me.

• I can’t start or finish anything.

• My marriage is doomed because I was a victim of divorce.

• I’m not a good mom.

  
  
  
  

These lies kept me small. They kept me hurting. They kept me entitled.

Yes — entitled. That’s the underbelly of victimhood. When you live under the belief that life has been unfair to you (and maybe it has), you start to believe you’re owed something. You see others thriving, and you resent it. You never see the hard work behind their success — only their highlight reel.

But this mindset doesn’t heal depression. It doesn’t overcome scarcity. And it certainly doesn’t lead to spiritual growth. In fact, victimhood makes living the life God has called us to nearly impossible.

Choosing to Fight Back

We don’t have to stay stuck in that mindset. We can fight back.

And we must.

Fighting back doesn’t mean denying our pain. It means choosing not to let pain define us.

“Real isn’t how you are made. It’s a thing that happens to you… Once you are real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.” — The Velveteen Rabbit

That’s why The Velveteen Rabbit is my favorite book. I keep a copy on display in my bedroom as a reminder: I am becoming Real. I am becoming Sarah — the woman God envisioned when He knit me together in my mother’s womb.

And this is how I fought my way out of victimhood:

Tools That Helped Me Break Free

1. Gratitude

Gratitude is the sword that slays “poor me syndrome.”

It shifts your focus from what’s missing to what’s present.

Instead of saying:

• “I wish I had a bigger house,” I say: “Thank You, Lord, for my cozy abode.”

• “I wish my husband were a better communicator,” I say: “Thank You for a man who loves me.”

• “I can never get it right,” becomes: “Thank You for one step forward.”

• “I’m so unfit,” becomes: “Thank You for ten minutes of jogging.”

  
  

This is not toxic positivity. It’s not pretending life isn’t hard — it is.

But gratitude doesn’t deny reality — it reframes it.

It opens our eyes to what’s still good.

And that reframing changes how we live.

2. Prayer

Prayer reminds us that we’re not alone — even when we feel alone.

During seasons when I couldn’t form my own words, I clung to ancient prayers, scripture, and quotes like these:

“Oh Jesus, I surrender myself to you — take care of everything.”

“Oh Jesus, I thank You for everything.”

“Christ be with me, Christ within me… Christ in hearts of all that love me, Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.”

“Every good and perfect gift is from above…” — James 1:17

“Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you.” — 1 Peter 5:7

“You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

Even when nothing around me changed, prayer anchored my heart to something bigger — Someone faithful.

3. Exercise

Moving my body helped quiet the noise in my mind.

No, it didn’t erase my struggles. But it helped me cope. It cleared my thinking, gave me energy, and helped me feel strong again — even when everything felt shaky.

4. Journaling

Journaling became a form of prayer — a safe place to be brutally honest.

Not all my journals are beautiful. In fact, most are messy, cheap notebooks filled with raw thoughts, prayers, and confessions. I save the pretty ones for gratitude.

Use colorful pens. Add stickers. Make it yours. It doesn’t have to be “right.” It just has to be real.

Becoming Real

Each of these practices — gratitude, prayer, movement, journaling — slowly pulled me out of the fog.

Not all at once. Not magically.

But step by step, I began to realize: My life is not a problem to solve. It’s a gift to live.

And even now, when old thought patterns creep in — when “poor me” whispers again — I know how to recognize it. I know how to return to gratitude. To movement. To the truth.

This journey has changed everything — my marriage, my parenting, my faith, my perspective.

Let’s Release the Victim Mentality Together

Nothing in this life will ever be perfect.

But in the middle of the mess, we can become Real.

We can stop shrinking.

We can stop believing the lies.

We can step into the one life we’ve been given — and live it with boldness, honesty, and heart.

“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes don’t see as well… but these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly — except to people who don’t understand.”

I’m becoming Real.

And you can too.

Please share with your friends — someone you know might need this encouragement today.

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.” Psalm 37:23