Redemptive Self-Care

I was a young mom with a toddler and a newborn. Why was I feeling so sad? The thought of this sadness possibly being depression terrified me because I grew up observing others entangled in its ugly grip. I did not want to be controlled by depression like strings on a puppet. I knew I’d drown in my overwhelming emotions if I avoided changing. I had to choose to say a prayer, rise, and climb out of the pit. How could I gaze on my newborn baby and feel unhappy, lost, and confused? I felt guilty about these emotions, a guilt that only exacerbated them.  

My journey towards self-care began with a moment of desperation. It was a turning point, a recognition that I couldn't continue living as I was. I longed to feel alive, good in my skin, and be a fulfilled, happy mom and wife. Yet, when gloominess settles in and we don’t know why, that sadness perpetuates and becomes a vicious cycle from which we don’t know how to escape. 

We’ve heard that we must position our oxygen masks before helping others. I agree. I love self-care. However, I wonder if the culture has hijacked the term 'self-care'. Two extremes seem to dominate our society. If our marriage is struggling, then marriage is the problem. If we're sad at home, our daily circumstances are the problem. With extreme ‘self-care,’ we often find ways to run from the pain and assume that our greatest gifts are the problem. We attempt to escape the road-map God calls us to, afraid we’re missing out. Too often, self-care leaves a message: If it doesn’t feel right, get out. If there’s a struggle, maybe this isn’t the life for me. 

Over time, I understood that sadness wasn’t my enemy, nor was the life I chose. I learned that weeping is a beautiful part of the healing process. I believe I fell into depression because I was afraid of my feelings and tried to suppress them at any cost. When we carry sadness in our bodies without release, despondency creeps in like an uncontrollable weed. We must rise, lace up our tennis shoes, and take the first step toward understanding our emotions. Steps lead to more steps, like Dave Ramsey’s snowball syndrome: “The quick wins you get with the debt snowball help you believe you can pay off your debt.” The first tiny step out of the pit remains the darkest and feels like the most complicated. However, it's a step towards relief, understanding, and healing. It gets easier over time.   

I don’t think it’s possible to be our best selves without self-care. Yet, it’s a care unique to our divine image in Christ. To a wife and mother, living and breathing means self-care is a must. It includes regular exercise, a warm bath to unwind, journaling, or a lunch date with a friend. These practices are not selfish; they're vital. I want to become the best version of myself as a woman, wife, mother, daughter, and friend. Self-care is neither a luxury nor an escape from the life God has called us to lead. It's a necessity that empowers us to be the best we can be, and it's a reminder to ourselves and those we love that we’re important, a “temple of the Holy Spirit.” Through self-care, we treat ourselves as beloved daughters of Christ. 

I believe God cares about ‘self-care’, “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul” (Psalm 23:1-3 NIV). The key is to find what works for you and make it a regular part of your daily routine. Determine what brings you joy and peace, and make it a priority. 

Ways to honor the self-care we desperately need are available in tiny, everyday, ordinary steps. We could buy some flowers for the dining room table each week. Sally Clarkson exhorts us to “light the candles, play our favorite acoustic music, straighten the house, or cook something wonderful.” So often, we feel like we don’t have time for self-care or feel guilty, but honestly, we don’t have time not to attend to these needs. Neglecting our well-being can strain and impair our ability to be fully present with others. We should never feel guilty for pausing in our day to take a short walk or prepare a healthy meal. If actual guilt is present because our hearts and minds are pivoting from our first calling to God and family, we must repent and return. By taking care of ourselves, we benefit our health and strengthen our relationships with those we love.   

It was a dark season when I feared what was stirring on the inside, but I've learned not to run from my sad emotions. Instead, I acknowledge them through journaling and prayer, and then surrender them to God. I no longer fear depression because I know that when I’m sad, I have tools to guide my emotions. We must reject the world's view of self-care and step into the nurturing that genuinely matters. It's not about indulgence or escape, but about maintaining our emotional well-being. By prioritizing self-care, we empower ourselves to be our best for those we love.

I help women close the gap of overwhelming feelings, defeat, and sabotage, one baby step at a time.