Navigating Overwhelming Emotions: Finding Peace amid Life’s Challenges

"We do what we can today, and then do a little more tomorrow. Baby Steps.” Flylady

My daughter was falling out of her chair from frustration. She had a paper to write. Overwhelming feelings consumed her as she lay on the floor with tears in her eyes, as if the world might end. Her anxiety may seem dramatic to someone who does not struggle with overwhelming feelings. But did you know these feelings can seem paralyzing? I’ve grappled with overwhelming emotions firsthand. Considering a daunting project, a significant dream, complicated relationships, or even a cluttered storage room can cause me to slam the door on progress as if there is no hope. It makes my stomach tumultuously twist and turn, and I don’t know how to start. Have you ever felt this way? In these moments, self-compassion is essential. We must be kind to ourselves, understanding that it's okay to feel this way and that we are not alone in our struggles.

In The Body Keeps Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, we learn ways to manage everyday struggles that lead to overwhelming feelings, “Mindfulness not only makes it possible to survey our internal landscape with compassion and curiosity but can also actively steer us in the right direction for self-care.” The experiences that helped me deal with overwhelming feelings were exercise, small risks, and understanding my need for centering rhythms. Exercise helped me gain perspective, realizing my situation wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought, gave me a dopamine hit, and helped me gain clarity. Small risks helped me believe in myself. I realized that it’s okay not to have everything figured out. For example, taking a voice class at the college and singing in front of others was scary and overwhelming, but the first risk was simply signing up and then showing up. Other minor risks may include trying a new recipe, speaking up, or signing up for a new hobby. Learning to center myself with rhythms aided overwhelming feelings because I knew what to expect. My childhood was chaotic, lacking structure and stability, so learning my needs was a gift. We all need this, even with a stable childhood. Understanding our personal needs can bring relief, hope, and the realization that we can manage our overwhelming feelings.

Rhythms aren’t a rigid schedule, but knowing what to look forward to. When I was overwhelmed, I did “the next right thing” as Emily Freeman would encourage. B.J. Fogg says that creating pattern recipes is “A series of actions or habits you can link to simplify your life.” A pattern recipe could be as simple as, When I’ve finished my walk, I will load the dishwasher. We can follow this sequence of actions consistently, which can help simplify our daily routine, bring clarity to our minds, and reduce feelings of being overwhelmed.

The problem is that when we’re in the trenches, exercising, taking small risks, and establishing rhythms are areas we struggle to initiate. We place ourselves in uncertain situations when we step out of our comfort zone. However, small steps can become a lifeline in these circumstances. They are not just small steps but powerful tools against our overwhelming feelings. The power of one tiny step can free our bodies from the crippling feelings we carry. It's a reminder that we can manage our emotions, which empowers us to act. We cannot underestimate the power of small steps. They equip us and make us capable each day.

God is our strength and guidance in managing overwhelming feelings. He calls us to grow. Colossians 1:10 (NIV) says, “So that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.” Prayer is vital during this process. I love how St. Bonaventure says that sometimes we pray with our heart, and no words are necessary: “When we pray, the voice of the heart must be heard more than the proceedings from the mouth.” I am so thankful because sometimes we don’t have the words, but God understands our hearts. It's not about giant leaps, but rather one small action that can lead to the next, and the next, until a task is complete. Allowing God into the process is essential; he will help us overcome our overwhelming feelings.

How did I help my daughter in this situation? My first reaction was frustration. Then I remembered she was a carbon copy of me. In front of a blank page, an outline of big goals, or a textbook with words I could never pronounce, my eyes glaze over, and I turn into a raisin, shriveled like one left out in the sun for far too long. My mind goes blank. As I helped my daughter, I reminded her that “perfect” is not a word in our vocabulary. She doesn’t need to figure it out or fully know what she’s doing. She needs to start with one idea. “We write a messy first draft. It’s supposed to be bad,” I tell her.

My daughter and I still struggle with a blank page and overwhelming feelings. Yet, with each small step we take, we add more tools to our arsenal of overcoming. I realize that overwhelming feelings will never completely disappear, but we can learn to trust God, show ourselves grace, and take one step forward in faith.

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.” Psalm 37:23