.png)
Every tear shed, I felt. Every “mommy, please don’t go” was an excuse to wiggle out of the plans I made. Every inconvenience to the family was a “sign” that I should be more sacrificial.
In my desire to be a virtuous, kind, and good mom, I found it easy to lay down my personal goals or dreams, believing they were sacrificial. I loved my children and family well by giving everything. Yet, I was miserable. I wasn’t taking care of my health and too tired to nurture my marriage. Isn’t this what I was meant to do?
I was created to sacrifice for the love of others, especially my family, but my thinking was mixed up.
Webster's dictionary describes a martyr as: “a person who voluntarily suffers death as the penalty of witnessing to and refusing to renounce a religion.” and “ a person who sacrifices something of great value and especially life itself for the sake of principle.”
A martyr is a person who lays down their life. A person who sacrifices. One who suffers well. We have endless examples of martyrs throughout history. Unbelievably, thousands of saints suffered brutal deaths all in the name of Jesus Christ—a worthy cause…the purpose of our very lives. We admire martyrs of faith, people who have gone before us and fought the good fight, unafraid to give up everything. As Christians, we believe this is good.
Mothers can relate to laying down their lives for others. As we give birth to children, we offer everything for the child God placed in our arms. There’s nothing we wouldn’t do, and we believe this is our purpose to give all to our children. A mother’s love is like a protective shield. Psalms 139:13 & 14 states, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” God created a mother for intense closeness and attachment to her children just in the way He knit each one into the fabric of her body, directly under her heart. So why can’t mothers be martyrs?
Our culture is swamped with the topic of self-care. There are extremes to every important thing we should do. As a young mom (over twenty years ago), I learned if I continued to walk the path of martyrdom, I’d never be a good mom. I’d be depressed, exhausted, and miserable like a heavy fog lingering over my head.
“Managing our stress and our rest is a sign of living wisely. Refueling as a way to find joy, to create pleasure, and to celebrate life in the midst of all its demands fills our hearts with renewed hope. When we take the time to breathe, listen, and rest from the daily grind to see miracles bubbling up in our lives.” Sally Clarkson
God created us to love our families well, even sacrificially. The only way to do this adequately is to care for ourselves. In a small-step style, we must exercise, eat healthy, nurture our marriages, spiritual lives, and consider the goals and dreams God places in our hearts. It’s not selfish. When we stay close to God, he will stir the desire for growth in our hearts. We may not do it all at the same time. With every season of motherhood, we must discern where God calls us to grow.
Sacrificial love honors mom and child. When we care for ourselves, we teach our children to do the same. When we nurture our marriage, we teach our children that marriage matters. When we prayerfully grow, our children observe God’s discernment in our lives.
Starting slow, I learned to wake up earlier for time with God and exercise. My husband and I scheduled date nights, and I’ve even nurtured a few goals and dreams over the years, all while keeping my vocation to motherhood one of the most essential roles in my life. My children are healthier (not perfect) because I chose not to be a martyr.
How is God asking you to grow?
Comments